How Do I Explain Counseling To My Child Before The First Session?
“Lately, I’ve noticed that my child has been acting out, struggling to express and process his emotions, and having intense meltdowns. I want my child to have the tools he needs to navigate complex feelings and build resilience in the face of hardships. So, after careful thought, I’ve decided that counseling would be a great step in that direction. However, I’m unsure how to communicate this decision to my child, how to explain what counseling is, who a counselor is, and how this experience can be a helpful and positive one for him.”
If this resonates with you and you also feel anxious about starting a conversation with your child about counseling, you’re not alone. It’s completely natural to worry about how they might perceive this new experience or whether they will be resistant. The key here is to approach explaining counseling to your child with empathy and simplicity, in a way that makes them feel safe and heard and helps them understand the powerful benefits of working with a child therapist.
This article offers practical tips for framing the conversation in a supportive and age-appropriate way.
How to Talk to Your Child About Starting Therapy?
1: Address Your Concerns About Therapy and Counseling
Before you introduce counseling to your child, it’s important to first address your feelings and beliefs about the process. Reflecting on questions such as, “How do I feel about going to therapy?” or “Am I accepting and open to the idea of receiving help?” can help you better understand your own perspective and identify your concerns. You may be feeling worried about societal judgment, doubting whether you’re doing a good job at parenting, or feeling uncertain about how counseling will work for your child. All of these concerns are normal and can be overcome through the following approaches:
1. Consider therapy and counseling as a sign of strength: Instead of seeing it as a sign of failure or weakness, view counseling as an empowering way to help your child grow emotionally and socially. Having a strong mindset allows you to present your decision in a positive light, which can inspire confidence in your child and help them approach counseling with curiosity and optimism.
2. Educate yourself and your family: More often than not, fear comes from uncertainty and concerns grow from not knowing what to expect. Learning more about counseling, understanding how it works, and sharing your knowledge with your family can help reduce stigma, calm down your concerns, and create a safe environment where your child can feel supported.
3. Focus on the benefits: Counseling is a transformative process that empowers children to understand, express, and navigate their emotions in a healthy and constructive way. By providing a safe space for children to explore their feelings, counseling helps them develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence. It also equips them with valuable coping skills that they can rely on throughout their lives. These skills not only support them during challenging times but also encourage resilience, confidence, and a stronger sense of self as they grow and face new experiences.
4. Model vulnerability and openness: Internalize the belief that seeking help is an act of courage. By showing your own willingness to embrace counseling or talk openly about emotional and mental health, you set a positive example for your child. This openness can make them more receptive to the process and the benefits it offers.
2: Connect With Your Child Before You Discuss Counseling
A strong parent-child bond lays the foundation for open and honest communication and makes it easier for your child to feel safe and understood as you explain counseling to them. You can start by spending quality time together in a way that aligns with your child’s interests, this could be playing a game or reading a book together. Once your child feels connected and safe, you can then engage in a heartfelt conversation. Invite them to open up and share their struggles with you, show genuine curiosity about their thoughts and feelings, and reassure them that their emotions and experiences matter to you.
Choose a good time
That means don’t bring up therapy in the middle of a fight or heated moment. As frustrating as arguments with your child can be, don’t let this be the way they learn about going to counseling. Introducing therapy to your child during a conflict can make it feel like a punishment rather than a supportive tool and cause your child to associate counseling with bad behavior and negative feelings. This can create resistance and make your child less likely to embrace the process. Instead, choose a calm neutral moment when you both feel connected and receptive. A quiet evening after dinner or snack time after a good day at school is a great time for this discussion.
3: Explain Counseling in Age-Appropriate Language
When talking to your child about counseling, it’s important that you use language that they’ll be able to understand. Younger children may need simple, concrete descriptions, while older kids or teens might appreciate a more detailed explanation. As a parent, you’re probably already an expert in child-friendly language. You communicate with your child every day, and you know how to frame ideas in a way they can understand. Use language that is reassuring and emphasizes the supportive nature of counseling. Be honest but keep the tone light and positive. Let them know that counseling isn’t about “fixing” them but about giving them a space to grow, share their thoughts, explore feelings, and learn new ways to handle challenges.
Discuss the difference between a counseling appointment and a medical doctor appointment
Most children are familiar with going to their pediatrician. And while it’s helpful to draw a connection between going to a medical doctor and a counselor or therapist (to heal and feel better) it’s important to focus on the difference. Reassure your child that a counseling session is not like a doctor’s visit. There are no shots, physical exams, or medical tools involved. Explain that counseling is more like having a friendly conversation in a calm, safe space where they get to talk about their thoughts and feelings. For example, you might say something like:
“Do you remember when you had a stomach ache, and we went to see the doctor and you felt so much better afterward? A counselor is like that doctor, but instead of helping with stomach aches, they help with feelings. If you’re feeling sad, mad, or scared, a counselor is there to listen to you and help you understand those feelings better. Instead of using tools and giving shots like the doctor, counselors help you by talking, drawing, and playing games.”
You can also use an example of a time they struggled recently –maybe a conflict with their friend or sibling– and tell them that a counselor will help them with that type of situation.
Talk about how counseling works and keep it simple
When describing the process of counseling, it helps to keep things simple. Sometimes, over-describing the situation only adds to the anxiety. For example, you can explain it like this: “A counselor is someone who helps people solve problems, manage strong feelings, and come up with new ways to feel better when things are hard. You can share as much or as little as you want and everything will be kept private.”
You can also prepare your child for what the counseling session will look like. If you’ll be meeting the counselor in person, describe where the office is and how it looks. You can show them pictures of the playroom as younger children often feel excited to know that there will be a playroom filled with toys. Tell your child where you’ll be during their session, for example, that you’ll stay in the waiting room nearby.
4: Emphasize Your Involvement
Reassuring your child that they are not alone in the counseling process is key to helping them feel supported and safe. Let them know that you’re in this together and that counseling isn’t just something they have to face on their own. For instance, you might explain that you’ll be there to help them prepare for their sessions and to support them in practicing what they learn afterward. You can say something like, “I’ll always be here to talk about what you’re feeling or learning, and we’ll figure things out together.”
It’s also helpful to normalize the process by showing that you’re open to learning and growing too. You could say, “I think we can all learn something from counseling” or “I’m excited to learn new things too, so Mommy can understand and help you better” or “I need ideas to help with my sad or mad feelings too” This not only reduces stigma or shame but also strengthens your bond as a family working toward the same goal; improved mental and emotional well-being.
5: Give Your Child Space To Get Familiar With Therapy
Finally, after introducing counseling to your child and sharing all the information, it’s important to step back and allow them the time and space they need to process everything. Every child responds differently to new experiences, some may ask lots of questions immediately, while others might need a few days to absorb what you’ve shared. Avoid surprising them with your decision to visit a counselor right before the appointment and don’t pressure them for an immediate reaction or decision. Instead, focus on fostering an environment (preferably a few days to a week before the counseling appointment) where they can feel safe to voice their thoughts and concerns.
You can gently remind them that counseling is there to help and that they’re in control of how they want to approach it. By not rushing them, you’re showing that you respect their ability to navigate this new experience in their own way. You can also revisit the conversation later to allow them time to clarify any doubts or share their feelings when they feel comfortable.
Welcome their response and questions
Encourage your child to share their thoughts, whether they’re excited, nervous, or even unsure about counseling. Validate their feelings by saying, “It’s okay to feel a little unsure. I’m here to answer any questions you have.” Be prepared to respond to their concerns with calm and clarity.
Stay positive and patient
If your child seems resistant or hesitant, stay positive and patient. Avoid forcing the idea of counseling and instead emphasize the benefits in a way they can relate to. Affirm that it’s normal to feel this way and remind your child that you’ll be with them every step of the way. Patience builds trust and allows them to gradually feel more comfortable with the idea of starting counseling. If your child is still resistant to counseling after giving them time and space, it may also be useful to reach out to a local counselor for help. They can often answer questions and give you additional ideas and strategies for introducing the idea of counseling to your child.
How Will Counseling Benefit My Child?
Counseling offers children a safe, supportive space to understand and express their emotions while learning strategies to navigate their challenges. Working with a counselor can help your child develop emotional resilience, improve social skills, and gain tools for managing anxiety, anger, or sadness. Counseling can also improve their ability to communicate effectively, build stronger relationships, and develop a greater sense of self-awareness. It provides children with lifelong skills they can use to overcome difficulties, whether those challenges involve friendships, school, or family dynamics. By addressing struggles early, counseling can set the foundation for a happier, healthier future.
The power of play therapy
Play therapy is a common and effective approach used primarily for children. Through play, children can express thoughts and emotions they might struggle to put into words. The activities used in play therapy are specifically designed to meet the developmental needs of children, a therapist uses toys, art, or games to observe to gently guide the child and help them process feelings and develop healthy coping strategies in a way that feels natural, accessible, and enjoyable. Here are some of the powerful benefits of play therapy:
It facilitates communication: It allows children to express feelings and thoughts they may struggle to verbalize.
It promotes emotional healing: It creates a safe space for children to process trauma and work through emotional pain.
It teaches creative self-expression: Play therapy can be a great way for children to discover their potential and learn to process their emotions creatively through art, storytelling, role-playing, or other creative outlets.
It builds coping strategies: Through play, Children can learn valuable skills to cope with complex emotions such as anxiety and stress, as it allows them to navigate their feelings in a safe and engaging environment.
It improves social skills: Play therapy encourages interactions and teaches children how to communicate effectively, share, negotiate, and collaborate with others.
It strengthens family relationships: When parents get involved, they can gain valuable insights into their child’s personality and behavior and learn how to better communicate with them, which can deepen their connection.
Talk therapy in child-like language
Talking is a healthy way to explore and express our emotions. Child therapists and counselors are trained to communicate in ways that resonate with children. They can adapt their language to match the child’s understanding and use simple, relatable language and engaging methods to discuss emotions, stress, or conflicts. This helps children feel understood and comfortable sharing their thoughts, even when discussing topics that may be difficult or unfamiliar. Talk therapy can teach your child to open up, embrace their vulnerability, and gain a better understanding of their emotions.
Looking For a Child Counselor in South Carolina?
Working with a therapist can be extremely beneficial. A child counselor will not only help your child understand and navigate their emotions better, but also give them lifelong tools and resources to lead a healthier, successful, and more resilient life. If you are a parent in SC seeking counseling for your child, New Roots Counseling is here to help. Our mission is to empower you and your child(ren) to make positive life changes, overcome struggles, and strengthen your family bond through personalized care and evidence-based strategies.
You can schedule a free phone consultation today and start your child and family on a path to improved emotional well-being.